Not All I Want to Say

I feel warm, overheated.

I took a bath in the dark and thought and over-analyzed and rocked a little and realized it's most likely one of those times when I don't want to be okay. And I texted someone from before, you know, that I don't speak to now. Just because I need to and I don't know if my mind's swam back to the past and is reliving the same thing because it feels the same. It feels exactly the same and I want to crawl into a shell and refuse to come out until someone dedicates their every breath to me and holds me. So I'm selfish in my irrational hurting times, so what? I deserve that, don't I?

I'm either paranoid or intelligent. At least, not an idiot. I know why people do what they do a lot of the time. And it's blatant, a lot of the time. And the more blatant it is, the more it's painful.

At least have the decency to... to... I feel sick. I feel sick and alone and I am as such. Deservingly so.

I need coddling.

I'll seek comfort in someone who really just messed me up a while ago.

Um. I'm sorry I'm selfish and bitter. I should rise above it. I feel like maybe I could and I just don't feel like it. That's brattish, but, well. There it is. Maybe I'll work on that. That would be nice.

Alas.