The Great Red Velvet Hoax

You've been duped.

No, seriously. Red velvet is not a flavor.

Liars. They're all liars.

Every time I bite into a cupcake or a slice of cake titled, "Red Velvet," I sit there and go, "This is chocolate."

And I get these looks. Like, "Yeah, okay. You've obviously not sophisticated enough a pallet to appreciate the fine subtly of the velvet." Okay, maybe that's not really something you can capture in a look-- but if you could, that's what I get.

My cousin, the cupcake enthusiast, let me know that the difference is vinegar. Fair enough. She had me-- there's an extra ingredient that is not used in chocolate goods.

My friend's birthday is Tuesday and she requested red velvet. I went to the web and abandoned my common sense, as I figured this would be a perfect opportunity to tweak and perfect batches of cupcakes until I had my own recipe.

The first two had vegetable oil. What? Yeah and I listened. Two separate recipes, asking for oil, in cupcakes. And me, the good little baker that I am, said, "The recipe won't lie to me." Liars. All of them.

I had Oil Cupcakes. They weren't horrid, but if it isn't Heaven, why eat a cupcake?

So. I went to the web again. And look at that, recipes without oil. And without vinegar. What? Isn't that what makes red velvet what it is?

Time for some history. Vinegar, as it was made back in the day, reacted with the cocoa used in chocolate cake and turned the cocoa red. It was pretty and went well with Christmas and Valentine's Day, but the vinegar didn't affect the taste.

The way vinegar's made today, it doesn't react with the cocoa. We add food coloring-- which all three batches of cupcakes I made today called for.

Red chocolate cupcakes. I could put blue food coloring and call them blue velvet. It'd probably be a new favorite at weddings, too.

It's a COLOR.

Subtly of blah blah blah. Chocolate. It's yummy, but it's chocolate. Throw some cream cheese on that and it's still chocolate.

You know there's red velvet ice cream? It's chocolate ice cream. I hope you're not paying more for it.
I go to a lot of frozen yogurt places and I got red velvet. It was chocolate, as per usual.

Duped.

This baker's out.