If I Ask Enough Questions?

I'm thinking I kind of make all the wrong choices in life.

I just threw that out there; I get that. However, I really feel the need to bring it up. I'm not happy. I don't really like the school I'm at, and well, that's fine and dandy because I'll be transferring soon enough, but I'm also fairly certain I won't like it there very much either. It seems as if I'm starting to realize a little more of what I want and realizing a little more that I don't have it.

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I don't know who I am and the parts of me I glean, I'm not overly fond of, to be quite honest.

I'm not content with my appearance but I'm not sure what to do to fix it. I'm not content with my school but I'm not sure where I'd like to go. I'm not content with my interests/hobbies/skills but I don't know how to improve them. I'm not content with the people I've met, but I don't know who would accept me.

And it's frustrating. It's frustrating because I don't feel like I'm content in any part of my life. I'm confused and lonely and unhappy with myself. A lot of the time, I feel like I'm living a lie or a sham or some other such thing. I walk around on auto-pilot and I'm friendly with people and people are friendly back at me but I don't feel that I've connected to any of these people.

My hobbies and interests would logically lead me to be friends with people that are uninterested in being friends with me because I never really quite pursue those hobbies or interests. And I feel... boring. And intellectually unsatisfied. Seriously, "higher education," when am I going to be engaged in meaningful, expressive, advanced learning?

Suddenly, the other day, I asked myself, "Should I be in drama?" Woah, what? I've never been in drama. It's always been in the back of my head but I was too focused on doing other things that lead me to failure, at any rate. Not that I particularly want to do this thing. Do I? I don't. I really don't. Know. What I want. At all.

I feel like... maybe I should make a list of things that I am... or... traits that I have, things I'm good at, things I'm not, I don't know. Maybe make a list of things that would help guide me in a direction. Yes?

I'm not certain of anything anymore. Except that being me isn't what I was hoping for when I thought of the future.