It's Back and So Am I!

For a moment, I thought I had lost it. My passion for food. But it's back with a vengeance and sweet Heaven, it feels good!

I was making a smoothie and scanning the internet (practically simultaneously because I can do that sort of thing), when I re-discovered baked kale. Kale chips.

Oh, don't you look at me that way.

They do too taste something like potato chips. Honest!

And anyway, I'm not much into substituting things so that they taste like something else. I want it to be so freaking fantastic that you aren't even thinking about any other food-- it's just disrespectful to the dish, I think.

So. Kale chips. You get kale, break up the leaves, put it on a pan, season with olive oil or any sort of coating (Pam will do and did do for me) and then come the seasonings. Sea salt is most common and for good reason because it simulates potato chippy goodness. I went there. However, I've heard about cider vinegar, lemon, garlic, cumin, you name it. So you can experiment.

And experimenting is good. I think too many people have abandoned creativity in the kitchen (and really in a lot of other places, but this is a food post, thank you kindly). So get it back, quick and simple:

Kale Chips that Totes Taste like Potato Chippy Goodness, Honest!:


Ingredients:
Kale
Tbsp olive oil or other coating (I noticed that Pam designates servings by seconds; such a strange thing to do but wholly logical).
Seasonings to taste (Sea salt for beginners and whatever else for adventurous folk like yourself).

Bake at 350F for anywhere from 7-12 minutes. 
Beware of over cooking, as they will taste burnt and that's hardly tasty. You're going for light and crispy, so check it to make sure.


I'm baaaaack...

A New Idea, So Take Action

Brittney suggests we drop out of school and learn ancient baking techniques from nuns so that we can open our bakery. I'm inclined to do this with her or at least write a story about it.

I had mulled over the idea of writing snippets or short stories centered on each of my friends. I'm still toying with it but it would probably be more of a writing exercise than anything else. I do have an idea for a book that I've been working over in my head for the last few hours to the point of mental exhaustion. A lot of people say it's therapeutic to release pent-up emotions through art. The idea, in a way, came to me as a combination of how I've been feeling lately about certain people. Out of habit, I texted someone in the middle of the night only to have an incredibly strange response come to me the next morning. That's neither here nor there, though. What's relevant is that it got me to thinking about this person who I constantly find myself drawn to because our relationship, our dynamic, is so simple. And that's such a long ways away from what I'm accustomed to dealing with. I know what to expect, and in a way, I like the response I receive. So when I'm in dire need of that feeling, I go and get what I need. It's almost desperate and it gets me shaky, like it's some sort of drug and I finally got my fix. And I feel that; that release, that deep, shuddering breath of acknowledgement.

I think I would probably make it a first person story. It's something that I think needs to be written. That cycle, that betrayal, that using, that yearning. In a lot of ways, it'll be a coming-of-age type story. If I get to that, I may post some of it here.

I'm curious as to how it would turn out. Always curious. Curious, too, as to how well my yogurt-maker works. I'll report back. If I don't get a thesis out by tonight for this paper I have to write, I will indeed be dropping out of school to learn baking from nuns.

I saw two quotes today that had me quadruple-guessing myself.

"It doesn't make sense to let go of something you had for so long. But it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's actually nothing there."


"Because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."


And maybe they both are true. I'm hard-pressed to figure out an answer, or worse, finally sit myself down and find out. Or even wonder if it matters.

Happy writing, happy baking, happy nunning. Because nuns matter.

If I Ask Enough Questions?

I'm thinking I kind of make all the wrong choices in life.

I just threw that out there; I get that. However, I really feel the need to bring it up. I'm not happy. I don't really like the school I'm at, and well, that's fine and dandy because I'll be transferring soon enough, but I'm also fairly certain I won't like it there very much either. It seems as if I'm starting to realize a little more of what I want and realizing a little more that I don't have it.

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I don't know who I am and the parts of me I glean, I'm not overly fond of, to be quite honest.

I'm not content with my appearance but I'm not sure what to do to fix it. I'm not content with my school but I'm not sure where I'd like to go. I'm not content with my interests/hobbies/skills but I don't know how to improve them. I'm not content with the people I've met, but I don't know who would accept me.

And it's frustrating. It's frustrating because I don't feel like I'm content in any part of my life. I'm confused and lonely and unhappy with myself. A lot of the time, I feel like I'm living a lie or a sham or some other such thing. I walk around on auto-pilot and I'm friendly with people and people are friendly back at me but I don't feel that I've connected to any of these people.

My hobbies and interests would logically lead me to be friends with people that are uninterested in being friends with me because I never really quite pursue those hobbies or interests. And I feel... boring. And intellectually unsatisfied. Seriously, "higher education," when am I going to be engaged in meaningful, expressive, advanced learning?

Suddenly, the other day, I asked myself, "Should I be in drama?" Woah, what? I've never been in drama. It's always been in the back of my head but I was too focused on doing other things that lead me to failure, at any rate. Not that I particularly want to do this thing. Do I? I don't. I really don't. Know. What I want. At all.

I feel like... maybe I should make a list of things that I am... or... traits that I have, things I'm good at, things I'm not, I don't know. Maybe make a list of things that would help guide me in a direction. Yes?

I'm not certain of anything anymore. Except that being me isn't what I was hoping for when I thought of the future.

Not So Much a Blog, as Much a...

She does exist.

She does exist.


It's true, I do. I've just been swimming around in my head for a while. At any rate, it's a new year so I figured I better get on here and talk to myself. 


Christmas went swimmingly. I had lots of comments about my rather dashing appearance-- heh-- random. So that went swell.


I now have oodles upon oodles of baking supplies. This excites and exhausts me. Mainly exhausts right now, as I'm quite sick. It's obnoxious.


I became rather ill in the D.R. (food poisoning and not Cholera?), recovered just in time for a smooth transition into an awful cold. Usually, I'm into the "suffering woe is me" shenanigans, but this round, I'm quite vexed. I have all these personal plans and goals and feeling under the weather compromises these plans with unexpected vigor.


Blasphemy.


I am, however, drawing a rather adorable piece that made me grin. My mom saw it and was all, "I didn't know you could draw so well! That's seriously good, I want this one!" Bah hah. <3 Thank you, Mommy.


So I have new drawing supplies as well. And I'm so tediously but not tediously attempting to get through sketching this so I can ink it and then COLOR it. COLOR. These markers. These markers! They're so so so. SQUEE!


Anywei. o.o 


I'm looking into becoming a Massage Therapist, part time. It makes a good living for a student. I just need to figure out the easiest, most painless way to go about it. Oi.


I miss Kait. 


So, I had a date today. I was kind of really nonchalant about it, probably because I'm so sick. He postponed semi-indefinitely. He said his grandparents changed their flight to this morning and therefore, obviously, he's stuck with them all day. I'm not sure I understand how he can't go to the movies in the evening, but whatever. I said okay and then he told me, "But later this week!" Uh huh. If I don't call or text the boy myself, I'm pretty sure he won't bring it up.


We'll see though, won't we? I'm not too torn up about it. Maybe because of my compromised well-being or because I'm just Like. That.


I just don't like flakes, in general. Two strikes. One more and I'm rolling my eyes and walking away. So.


<3 There's probably oodles more to talk about. I desperately need to go grocery shopping. But I might just make a list and send my brother.


Ciao, bella.

Noms for All

Fifth batch of brownies were a semi-success. They were the same as the fourth except I refrigerated the batter overnight. It was a little less bready and therefore good enough for me. It was morning, I needed to finish them before class for my friend's birthday, and... She ranted and raved the entire day to people I don't know. So there you have it. Good enough for her, meh for me, that's all I need.

Cream cheese frosting. White and blue. Want to see? I think you do!

Be jealous. Om nom nom.

First batch was very red. I used most of the dye. Very pretty. Oily. *wrinkles nose*

So... cuppycakes. I eats. You eats. Nom.

Happy nomming, from all of us to you!

The Great Red Velvet Hoax

You've been duped.

No, seriously. Red velvet is not a flavor.

Liars. They're all liars.

Every time I bite into a cupcake or a slice of cake titled, "Red Velvet," I sit there and go, "This is chocolate."

And I get these looks. Like, "Yeah, okay. You've obviously not sophisticated enough a pallet to appreciate the fine subtly of the velvet." Okay, maybe that's not really something you can capture in a look-- but if you could, that's what I get.

My cousin, the cupcake enthusiast, let me know that the difference is vinegar. Fair enough. She had me-- there's an extra ingredient that is not used in chocolate goods.

My friend's birthday is Tuesday and she requested red velvet. I went to the web and abandoned my common sense, as I figured this would be a perfect opportunity to tweak and perfect batches of cupcakes until I had my own recipe.

The first two had vegetable oil. What? Yeah and I listened. Two separate recipes, asking for oil, in cupcakes. And me, the good little baker that I am, said, "The recipe won't lie to me." Liars. All of them.

I had Oil Cupcakes. They weren't horrid, but if it isn't Heaven, why eat a cupcake?

So. I went to the web again. And look at that, recipes without oil. And without vinegar. What? Isn't that what makes red velvet what it is?

Time for some history. Vinegar, as it was made back in the day, reacted with the cocoa used in chocolate cake and turned the cocoa red. It was pretty and went well with Christmas and Valentine's Day, but the vinegar didn't affect the taste.

The way vinegar's made today, it doesn't react with the cocoa. We add food coloring-- which all three batches of cupcakes I made today called for.

Red chocolate cupcakes. I could put blue food coloring and call them blue velvet. It'd probably be a new favorite at weddings, too.

It's a COLOR.

Subtly of blah blah blah. Chocolate. It's yummy, but it's chocolate. Throw some cream cheese on that and it's still chocolate.

You know there's red velvet ice cream? It's chocolate ice cream. I hope you're not paying more for it.
I go to a lot of frozen yogurt places and I got red velvet. It was chocolate, as per usual.

Duped.

This baker's out.

It's Venting, Don't Fret

Hi there.

Not All I Want to Say

I feel warm, overheated.

I took a bath in the dark and thought and over-analyzed and rocked a little and realized it's most likely one of those times when I don't want to be okay. And I texted someone from before, you know, that I don't speak to now. Just because I need to and I don't know if my mind's swam back to the past and is reliving the same thing because it feels the same. It feels exactly the same and I want to crawl into a shell and refuse to come out until someone dedicates their every breath to me and holds me. So I'm selfish in my irrational hurting times, so what? I deserve that, don't I?

I'm either paranoid or intelligent. At least, not an idiot. I know why people do what they do a lot of the time. And it's blatant, a lot of the time. And the more blatant it is, the more it's painful.

At least have the decency to... to... I feel sick. I feel sick and alone and I am as such. Deservingly so.

I need coddling.

I'll seek comfort in someone who really just messed me up a while ago.

Um. I'm sorry I'm selfish and bitter. I should rise above it. I feel like maybe I could and I just don't feel like it. That's brattish, but, well. There it is. Maybe I'll work on that. That would be nice.

Alas.

Ambiguous Musing

I'm back "home." Or, my second home.

Do you ever feel really bitter for no apparent reason? Or maybe you have a reason, but you're sure as hell not going to say it out loud. You know, sometimes it's better to let go. It's this kind of deep exhale, your face gets a little warm and your eyes close and you wonder if you'll ever forget. Sometimes it isn't better to let go and then sometimes it is, in fact, but you can't. I'm not saying I'm in any of these situations. Nor am I saying that it's hypothetical, because that usually means it isn't. I'm saying, hypothesizing really, that when it's too hard to look at the situation without emotion, you have to figure out just what kind of emotions you've been feeling lately and if they're really worth it. Not just for you.

On a more physical hand, I cooked brown rice and a little less Latin picadillo. It's tasty.
Have you ever drank Gold Peak tea? The leaves are just right. I could sit and go through an entire jug. Mmm.

I'm staring into space a lot today. Maybe I've made a mistake. Tough, encrypted day.

I'm eating a lot today, too. Little of this, that.

That's not it, but that's it.

New This and That

I'm supposed to see Dinner for Schmucks today. I was originally going to see Despicable Me, because "IT'S SO FLUFFY."

However, I figured my mother would prefer more tangible characters-- in a word: real.

Anyway. Avatar: The Last Airbender was vastly disappointing, as everyone who saw it knows. However, the sequal to the television series sounds promising. A teenage Avatar from the  WATER TRIBE lives in an age of bending rebellion, needing to learn the last element: air. From who, you may be wondering? Aang's son, naturally. Is anyone else thinking that a love affair would be strange? No, the Avatar isn't gay-- at least, I don't think she is. Mhm. She would have a strange relationship with her mentor, no? Since she's spiritually, virtually, Aang... it would be a strange father-son... you know what I mean. I'm sure it won't be like that. It would be more like venturing into the spirit world and hearing, "Aw, you fancy my son!" Of course, I'm not sure there will be a romance there, etc. I'm just exploring possibilites.

On another note, there's now another major food network. It's the Cooking Channel, and I might just like it better than the Food Network. It's more straightforward, simple, and just about food. There's a lot of similar peoople on the channel, including Tyler Florence, Jamie, Giada, and Nigella, for instances. I positively adore Nigella. She's precious, nifty, and English. She's also a mum who shows her cute kids sometimes and her show just feels welcoming. At any rate, I haven't watched too much of the station, but there's also other shows that are more wholesome, "healthy," etc. What I really like about it is that it's fresher, and just about cooking. "Stay hungry." I like it.

I could really go for a hot cup of tea. I'm actually starting to miss my apartment. There are certain perks to living on your own. Which makes me really interested in wanting to eventually study abroad.

Speaking of travel, I may go to Italy with a family friend. It sounds luxurious and invigorating, but I'd really like to somehow find a way for both my mom and me to go. It'd also be really sweet if my brother could and... if it could just be a family affair would be delightful. It's wishful, I know.

My apartment-- one major difference between there and home is my desktop. I miss playing League of Legends and on my Notebook, it's simply too slow. Obviously, without a graphics card, my processor has to do twice the work, and so it's just painful. But oh how I cherish that game. I play an adorable little girl; she's a mage who controls fire and a shadow bear she trapped in a teddy bear. Her name's Annie and she's just squee-worthy.

Some quotes from Annie:

"Wanna play? It'll be fun..."

"Have you seen my bear Tibbers?"

"You smell like... burning."

"Beaten by a little girl!"

So obviously, she appeals to my sensibilities. She's small, adorable, wicked powerful, and sweet. Aw. You smell like burning. <3

I was going to rant about politics, and let's face it, I will. But not right now. I'm going to check on dinner instead. Which is entirely political in itself.

Doth shall not protest,

Yours Truly.

Blurted in Order of Thought

My dear friend has recently turned me on to Stereo Mood, which allows you to choose an emotion and then grants you a well-suited playlist to accompany such mood. I'm infinitely impressed by this. It's always assumed that music is emotional and therefore songs are considered "happy," or "depressing." This, however, just tickles me. It even has activities-- cooking, cleaning. There's music for raining. I particularly enjoy that one. It's lovely and I feel giddy just writing about it, truly.

She stumbled upon the site and then proceeded to show it to me while we made Tres Leches, Nicaraguan style. What's the difference? Cinnamon. A surprising amount of cinnamon. We were especially ambitious bakers, attempting to make merangue without a candy thermometer. What in bloody blazes is the "softball stage" of syrup? I had no idea until I looked it up. Actually, I'm not too solidified on the topic-- as in, I only researched in a hurry for what that particular stage and temperature proved and nothing else. The curious thirster that I am, I'm a little ashamed by it, but syrup is finicky and impatient.

Besides pride, I wasn't quite sure as to what the point of a 4.0 really was in the moment-- now I know. Money. You can apply for just about anything with a 4.0, as it turns out. Well, well, well. I rather like that. I'm signing up for this and that, applying here and there-- progress, I tell you. It's that good ol' ingenuity and such. I'm not quite sure as to why belonging to this half of the population's sexes allows me to receive money but I suppose I can tut and tisk while I stuff the bills into my apron.

I have a new workout regimen set up to begin in the next few weeks. I get tired of lazing. Actually, I don't. But I become restless and tempted to never leave bed unless I'm a little bit active. So, I'll rather enjoy that. And grocery shopping, when I'm home. I made a list about two weeks ago, but then I left, so that's just sitting idly on the counter.

I really want a pair of white linen pants. I can't describe it, all of the little things that swim around in my mind and sprout grabby hands. I just want it, is all.

Is is odd that I absolutely cannot get Tim Curry out of my head as Frank'N'Furter? I'm irresistably turned on by his younger, transvestite self. Have you seen the legs on him?  He's so overt. I adore it. A friend of mine suggested that transvestites might be right up my alley as companions, due to my disinterest in extreme masculinity. However, when I was explaining my search for balance between femininity and masculinity, I wasn't particularly pointing to a "male tomboy." Not to say that I wouldn't be a bit... intrigued, but that's in my nature. At any rate, I wouldn't discount the opportunity.

Doth shall not protest this,
Yours Truly.